AfterDark
“I wish it happened this way.”
She whispered in my ear as we lay in her bed with candles and a lamp as the only light sources on her nightstand,
She looks into my left eye, then my right, then my lips,
And then back into my eyes again yet tears begin to build up in hers and so are mine.
Yet she wipes mine from my eyes and says,
“Please don’t stay here, don’t stay stuck here.“
She then kisses my forehead, then places hers against mine.
And I wake up.
As I sit at his empty table at the bar,
With a canned IPA by my side,
An empty chair sits across from me.
I always find comfort here late at night,
Couples swaying back and forth throughout the night to the music of the DJ,
Friends laughing in conversations,
Singles finding love within the air,
Maybe in another life that was me.
Maybe.
I fell for her magic,
I tasted her skin.
I know that I’m stuck in this misery,
Because I’m not enough, like she used to think.
She bathes in her victory,
She blew out all my fumes.
Her love was a mystery,
My love was a fool.
I know she’s not in love like she used to be,
Because I’m not the one like she used to think.
There we were by the beach waves,
Beneath the light of an crescent moon,
Fulfilling each other with false hopes and dreams,
Except they weren’t false,
And they weren’t empty dreams.
Now,
She has hopes and dreams with another.
And here I am,
By the beach waves beneath the light of an crescent moon,
Reminiscing of it all.
Ocean in your eyes,
I was lost at sea.
Beautiful smile with all the pain in your eyes, you have a love so deep you trust the wrong guys,
You’re not looking for a connection with just anyone,
What if I told you I’m the better one?
My mind is saying leave you,
But my heart says no,
You made your choice but I can’t seem to let go.
Love is making me blind,
Picking up the phone then I’m putting it down,
Like who am I to go ruin the happiness that you found?
As the ocean waves crashes on the surface of the sand beneath my feet I begin to wonder,
Would I be here if it wasn’t for her?
Years ago,
Her and I sat here on top of the lifeguard tower.
The moon shining above reflecting itself in the blue midnight ocean water,
Hand in hand,
Her laughter fills the air,
I hold her extra tight as the ocean breeze brushes against her and I.
Until she begins slipping,
And it’s no longer her and I here sitting amongst the ocean waves,
And it’s just me.
“Can we be friends? If we aren’t together?“.
I wanted to.
I wanted to so badly more than she could ever know.
But how can we go back to being friends?
When we just shared each other’s soul?
Sometimes,
I go on walks and runs to quiet down the thoughts that linger in my head.
Passing stop sign by stop sign,
Stranger by stranger,
Yet when the stop lights turn red and it’s just me waiting for it to turn green I hear her.
Taking off my headphones only to hear to the crows flying throughout the cloudy night,
Continuing my run in confusion,
“Did I just hear her laugh a second ago?“.
Running in circles.
And so it’s December 31st again,
And at midnight she’ll be in the arms of someone else,
Looking into the eyes of someone she trusts,
Looking into the eyes of someone she loves,
Knowing that when they look into each other’s soul they’ll know,
‘I found you’.
And as they’re eyes close and they begin to lean in,
They’re lips touch.
Eternity.
As the year begins to come to an end,
And I spend another Christmas here alone,
Without her love.
And I begin to wonder,
If her heart is warm.
And If instead of putting up with me,
The arguments, manipulation, and restless nights side by side,
I hope,
She’s getting what she deserves.
As I’m getting older,
I’m filled with regrets
Is he all that you want?
Is he all that you need?
If it was now,
I’d be there in a hurry.
Love is weird or maybe I am.
For the past few years I’ve been going on dates with somebody new,
Yet they never seem to workout,
Or maybe they just aren’t you.
Being with another,
Yet my heart yearns for you.
Love is mature,
Love is beautiful,
Love is weird.
I always end up having a dream of myself waking up in a house alone by the sea,
Walking up stairs that felt endless to walk upon yet heard voices upstairs,
Of her and I.
Yet I search room by room,
Door by door,
Her laughter begins to fade.
Reaching desperately door by door,
Until I open the door at the end and her laugh fades into the air,
and it was just sea waves.
I travel sea to sea,
Ocean to ocean,
Listening to the ocean waves as they hit the ocean floor.
“It would’ve been nice here, her and I sitting listening to the waves as the moon glistens off of the blue ocean water”.
Yet I travel to the next sea,
Traveling to the next ocean,
Sitting at an empty lifeguard tower listening to the ocean waves crash as the moon glistens above,
Getting a glimpse, a glimpse of us.
After Dark Poetry 